My phone tells me, 220 days ago, on the 27th of June 2009, that I mentioned "God does not shortchange people". Thing is, it was all said after the storm stopped, waves calmed down, and the sun back up.
Could the mistake have fallen during the dark periods? Perhaps, the worst scenario to be in, isn't when my wants and expectations never became reality. On the contrary, it is when my wants and desires come to past, but only through my impatience, shallow-like faith and unaccomplished purposes of the process, not forgetting His mercy.
Point is, at the end of the day, the target was not met. Because she could only see how far situations brought her. Therefore, like Thomas, she could only say the earlier mentioned statement on the mountains, in the festivals, and during the feast; unfortunately not in the valleys, cries and pains.
and you still question why you're walking through this again?
He's gracious, the time has not yet arrived. "This could be a breakthrough" she said, if only you make it happen.

I look back in my life, and I look forward ( haha) at the lives of people older than me, and i start to reflect and think. With age comes wisdom and experience, but somehow it seems to me that pragmatism is a by-product of it?

Anyhow, just to sidetrack a little, have you been in a very infuriating situation where you have to work with people who constantly limit your potential and capacity because they don’t think you are really up to it; then down the road, you realise that the problem doesn’t lie with you, but with those people who have a problem with trust.

After hearing many stories and reading many lives, I have came to a sad conclusion, that is, that as men grow older, they become more pragmatic and practical in their thinking; Hence their seemingly realistic actions and ways, or at least in the eyes of this world. I was talking to sue one day, and we were talking about the faithfulness, greatness and awesomeness of God (Big wide smile). We were so amazed by God, I mean God has been manifesting His presence in such a tangible manner and even non-believers, and harden hearts were being softened without even the need of men’s words; and if i could say this, it was as if every non-believer would willingly open their life to Jesus, 101% so as long as they came to church. If it isn’t clear enough for you, because of my sometimes-incomprehensive-words, let me try simplifying it – coming to church = getting touched by God =receiving Jesus not because what they heard but what they experienced. We didn’t even have to pray for God to move, because it was as if that God turning up and touching hearts was an assured thing. There and then during our conversation, it felt as though God was honoured and literally high and lifted up, or at least not limited by His people; it’s those times you can imagine God looking down at you with a big wide smile.

In a way or another, many have lost the spirit of idealism, and have allowed the practical ways of the world to seep in. Many associate practical thinking with maturity, thinking that maturity holds a fair mix of pragmatism. Correct me if I’m wrong for my extreme thinking, but if the pendulum is forcefully swung to the other extreme end, then the world has an excuse to be pragmatic, because they know not of someone who is more capable and definitely is able to go against every law of nature or work behind the scenes to produce something which no men would consider practical. Conversely, we as Christians knowing something more, or at least someone greater, have no reason in always trying to be pragmatic and practical in our ways. Or on a harsher tone, does that not mean that by doing so we are practicing practical atheism. (uh oh)

I really admire people who grow in age and in maturity, but yet are so watchful over their lives, so much so that they do not allow the pragmatism of the world to defile their faith towards God. And of course I’m thankful that I have friends who are great dreamers and people of great idealism; simply put, they don’t let their minds – which more often than not only accept logically explanations to things, limit the greatness of God.

In my 15 going 16 years of my life, I’ve come to realise that in situations when all doors (seems) to be shut, even windows, it is the best time to exercise our faith by relaxing or at least not worrying, because these are the times where human intervention would just be insufficient and God has to intervene. How relieving, big bigger wide smile.

btw, if you are wondering why I’m up at such an unearthly hour, it’s all because of my two really great sisters who budged into my room at 4 plus am because of an insect and I could not go back to sleep because of them, hence this post. Now you can ask them why they were awake at such a late hour and ask me why I am such a nice sister. Good very early morning.

It was 3.31 am last night and I broke out of my dream – my investigation (haha forensic heroes agn)
I expected something eerie to follow after but nothing ensued.
As I stared out at the black ominous clouds, I realised why and who woke me up.

I often imagined God dining with me in my room and just being in communion with me. But that night God took me further and expanded my scope of view – He took me out of my window and around with Him. Whether imagination or not, the view from where He, (and then, I) was standing was phenomenal; it was like a bird’s eye view. (Big wide smile) I realised He stood at this particular room for an especially long time, I reckon He enjoyed the presence of the girl in this room, so much so that He didn’t want to leave the room. His smile towards the girl’s singing and worship was priceless and beyond description. (:

 Awhile later He brought me to see something really heart breaking – there were millions on this cliff, walking aimlessly and in oblivion of the edge they were heading for. Each time someone fell off the cliff, the face of God would contort with disappointment, and through that I understood the sorrow; however not in its full sense. Disheartened, He walked away and to my surprise, back to the room we went to earlier on. Well this time she was busy. He understood and He brought me to other places first. Each time He heard someone call His name or cries of hurts and disappointments, He knew where His next destination would be and He rushed over, I was amazed at how much he cared for these people; He really did.

When all was settled I realised He went back to the same old room we visited, now for the third time in that short period I was with him. Well that girl was really busy. She was hooked on her newly found dramas, or her work and just everything which excluded Him. He reached a point of desperation with His hands gesticulating wildly trying to at least get her attention. He really wanted to spend time with her, but she just didn’t have time for Him. He really loved her.  

I backed off in tears as I realised it was a flashback of my life.
I understood; I really did. It wasn’t a dream, i was completely conscious of what was going on, and then i realised why He woke me up at such an ungodly hour.
Putting myself in God’s shoes, and literally in His, made me see what He saw, and feel what he felt, and i cried.
Maybe he passed by yours a few times.

Chermaine Ruth feels really inspired now to be a forensic heroes.
I am convinced that hongkong dramas are the bessst, in particular, forensic heroes.
from kwok ying(mdm ma) impressive ways of interrogation and solving crimes, to gao sir(tim), yi shen(ivan) and ah chen's(dr khoo) whole gamut of knowledge; from science to food. wow.
i tell you, im going to invest in chemistry and be a senior chemist like gao sir, or a forensic pathologist or scientist. (yeah right)
but seriously, the show is, two thumbs up. plusplusplus, you learn chemistry too!
and kwok ying is good with both, so there will be a sad ending; but anyway there has been many already.
at least hk dramas, or at least this one, gives you real life, not the disney channel "Regardless of, there will a happy ending".
i liked the part when they were solving crimes; but as i watched on, i preferred the story of their personal lives, because their temporal happiness made me smile. They've been so through much, and that made things more memorable and heart warming. (big.wide.smile) 
Haha okay i need to come back.
24th episodes, 6 more to go. i dont want it to end. 

However this show has killed two days of my life (literally two days, thats how i finished 24 episodes so quickly), but worth it? (:
i'm not the least prepared for my chem paper 1 tmrw, but the show should be able to cover up the preparation neglected lah uh. 
i caught more than i think i would if i had continued to just stare at my chem book. 
i need to jump back to reality, but after my 6 episodes and recovering from the post intoxication of forensic heros symptoms.

okay,just forget what i said. goodday(:  

Current Mood: discontent

God, i'll be your plaster. We hear so frequently the more prominent figures - pastors, missionaries, evangelists, people want to be for God; but have you heard someone tell God, "God, i want to be a plaster for your kingdom”? A few minutes before typing this, i was talking to Jesus and instead of the usual, "God use me to usher in revival" prayers i told God to make me a plaster to cover the empty gaps in the church. Simply put, to my fullest ability i want to meet needs.

Annabel said something cool during outreach, "We've got to take the I out of our eyes." More often than not, this big I blind us from many needs of this world. Anything which is unrelated or at least not directly affecting our lives, we choose not to get involved in. Bringing in the church context, there are, ironically and unfortunately, many people who are still "blind" in the church and an escalating population of prodigals who have yet to come back. This numbers, however, will keep proliferating unless people see the need, step out of their zones and meet the need and plaster that gap; if you catch my drift. On the note of being all too self centred, sometimes we meet the needs of only the people who are under us or that closer circle of friends - sheep, cell member, zone, school outreach ect. But what if we went further than just playing the mutually exclusive game? Perhaps more gaps in the church would be filled and thus less loopholes for the enemy to find its way in. 

Anyway, I've came to establish that the reason why people do not meet the needs beyond what they are suppose to on black and white is because of this powerful weapon - mindset. The kingdom mindset which we ought to possess, is so frequently practised, and that "I" mindset of "MY responsibility is just my sheep, cell, zone ect and beyond which does not affect me" sometimes so subtly seeps in. But what if we all, if i can say, delierately put on that kingdom mindset - every life matters, every life counts; i give my all to every life which comes my way, and go beyond the "this is mine and that is yours" perspective? I believe, only then would the walls of the church be stronger and nets tighter, perhaps even more effective than a full-proof retention system.

Three dots, God i want to be your plaster, paste me on where a gap needs to be filled.

it's three sixteen a.m, and i've decided to return back to blogging.
put it this way, i'll be returning to testifying about His love; not that i've left that lifestyle, but perhaps sidetracked a little.
(three dots, haha if you get it) it calls for a refocus, revamp, and a restructure. (:

anw, i ran for the bus today, boarded it thanks to the nice bus uncle.
tapped my card, settled down and thought of something i never thought of when boarding the bus. 
"was the bus i ran for and boarded, the bus which would take me to my destination?"
panicked ttm but yet at the same time i imagined God laughing at me, not in a mocking manner but in a "that's my child!" joy. and then i smiled so widely i started to giggle.  
-the father and daughter perspective and communication

i realised something. how we perceive God makes a world of difference. failure to find that relationship which goes beyond facades and facts about Him, and into every detailed aspect of life, ( haha..)  can, or if i could say will eventually make you lose that joy of being with Him. that's a scary place to be in, however, many have snuggled their way in. Chermaineruth thinks that children makes their way up the ladder of being God's friend the fastest; simply because they have not been exposed to superficiality. hmm, child-likeness. on that note, ezra really treasures his princess (haha), he told me to tell him if anyone bullied me and he even gave me something(: - if that better illustrated my point.

i must wake up, rather not sleep, for early morning. haha, someone identify with me.
anw. thanks annabel and gayle for killing fear with your rubbish and joy. 
have a GOD-filled day(:
 

Current Mood: refreshed

purrrsuit camp dynamite, pursuit camp dynamite.
The fifth of Decemenber.
The end of camp, the beginning of something great,
something great.
The late night plannings, for that two days, it was worth it, it was.
the storms sent later, brought us together.
"it was love" i code sy,
prayer under a pavilion, unexpected, 
but that kept things going.
games were a blast, the chicken stunk, tx's foot got dirty, and the chicken slid of her shirt.
sarita is sadistic, and cheryllek only knew how to run. from the chicken.  
giving up wasn't an option, and it isn't going to be.
and it was easy, because we weren't alone,
indeed.
Seek God, honour Him, He provides.
Deficits was expected,
but because i serve a God who never fails,
He provided, in abundance.
and now on a serious note,
spirtual leporsy.
"I'll hurt myself before the world does"
if it broke His, let it break mine.
For that one starfish, it's worth it,
for the one soul, give it your all,
The cross was everything, history, present and future.
Love God, love people, love life.
and of course,
intimacy before destiny.
into-me-see
"you can have as much of God as you want" said julie.
and I'm after It.
something hit me.
I've lived a quarter of my life.
"I'm still too to young to.." that will cause your destiny.
you catch it, or you lose it. 
passive and desperate, just doesn't go.
God's my pursuit and i'm after Him,
holy dissatisfaction.
Think it will happen, no, make it happen.
I'll make it happen.
All in all, to God be the glory(:
                                                                                                                                we Your children give You praise, You are magnificent.
 

and so,
evil does not exist and neither is it the opposite of good,
but just the absence of God.

i rather be in the storm with Jesus than stay in the boat in what i know i'm safe in.

another year is going by
another change is taking place
memories left impacted lives
live still goes on with different faces.

change is good when there's no change. agreeable, but unbearable.
gen 2.1. started off feeling uneasy with the combination,
but left with such remembrance of the good old times.
friendships build within the one two years,
prolly has to loosen a little, but never to let go.
being too comfortable isnt that good, but being too separated is another thing.
from a happy kc cell, to a happening gen 2.1 and now for a greater purpose, gen 2.2.
all things work for the good, all things work for the good.
the feeling of being nostalgic might stay, but,
moving on moving on.

today, an ordinary dinner, which turned out to be a surprise dinner made it an extra-ordinary dinner.
the many laughs, accompanied with the couple of birthday songs sang with the handful of photos taken,
sure did made my day. 
pizza hut's staff did play a part to in bringing the excitement of the dinner. thanks for the song, and for the special brownie with ice cream. 
less then acquaintance but more than strangers.
much much thanks to chermaine goh, chermaine tan, photographer tan and elephant seow.
i love you all alot alot alot(:

praise God its a beautiful day.